Sex in the Little City
Part 1, A Love Story
It wouldn’t do my most deepest love story justice with #picnicman if I didn’t go back to very beginning. So here it goes….my love story. ?
It had been months that I had been at the house alone with the girls. I was still deeply depressed about my husband quitting on our marriage. But it wasn’t unusual to feel really alone. I had felt that for 12 years.
My girlfriend came over to talk to me and support me. She told me I need to get out. Have some fun. I hadn’t been doing so well. I had lost 10 pounds within 15 days. She said I needed someone to tell me I was pretty to boost my moral. ? It had been a while that’s for sure. The last night I was with my husband I asked him if he ever told me in the last 12 years that I was pretty or beautiful. He said “no”. It was true. He was right. I knew I needed to do something different that’s for sure. She said she had just the thing for me….It was called a dating app! ? She said that I should get on there and go on some dates with M.E.N. ?. I was totally against this idea for sure! Nope! No way! ? She took my phone from me and next thing I know is that I was on THE APP. ?
She showed me how to use it. Swipe left for no and swipe right for yes. So weird. Who came up with this shit anyway?! ? As I looked at the guys I was so shocked about some of the pictures that were shown. Shirts off, low, low pants, men showing of their muscles, men showing off fish ?, men drinking beer, men with other girls, men with their wives, men with their guns …..men, men, men! ?.
This was foreign to me. I had been married for 12 years and before that 13 with no dating in between per se. I was literally scared to death. Lord help me! What did my so called “friend” get me into?! After a few swipes to the right a few men started messaging me..”How are you Cyndi?” Yes, a fake name for security purposes. Why would anyone need to know my real name before they had really met me? I messaged back and eventually called it a night.
The next morning I woke up to over 200 LIKES. What do you know! Someone actually thought I might be cute or like what I wrote about myself in the little bio section. ? How scary! Now to get back to them all. I realized that I was reading THEIR bio but nobody was reading mine. ?
This is my bio…
I’m a mother of two smart, beautiful kiddos.
I’m an entrepreneur
I love the beach. Wine. Cooking.
Was married for 26 years and now single.
Looking for dating leading to LT committed relationship. if you’re looking for a FWB or one time thing I’m not even a close match for you.
I’m very involved in my community and enjoy spending time helping others.
I’m the real deal and you will never see a fuzzy filtered selfie of me.
Strong and independent”
What did I get…? Men looking for Friends With Benefits (FWB) and one time hook ups, no job, no home, living in Moms basement, Married, polyamorous couples looking for another addition to the team ?, bi men and some women…. among some other people that I was not interested in. Trust me, I don’t care how people live their lifestyle but I know what I’m looking for and I know what I want to settle into and don’t.
By the time I got done deleting everybody and wasting hours of talking and sifting through the sea of men I was exhausted. It was the weirdest thing I’ve ever done looking for the love of my life on pictures of my phone.
I went on a few dates and they were disasters. The looked perfect on paper. I went home, drank a bottle of wine and drunk text my ex and calling him every name in the book for putting me in this position instead of really working on our marriage and keeping our family together. Especially because I was 11 years older than him. I thought to myself, how was I going to find anybody that wanted me at my age with two little kids. That was when I decided to write about my experiences because there was no way you could make this shit up. Some of these guys were bona fide crazy. I started to dictate my experience and my iPhone notes section. ?
I ended up canceling my account in the meantime. I then made a list of requirements that I felt like men need to have. It was a horribly long list. Also after seeing all those dating apps and pictures and bios I knew I had to set some kind of standards for myself so I didn’t get rose colored glasses. That has always been my downfall. Just really wanting love so bad that I will settle for almost anything and not listen to my intuition or set boundaries.
I ended up making almost 30 rules to follow to protect myself and also to protect my values and dignity. I also made a rating scale from 1 to 10 based on looks and other various important things that I felt like I needed in my life that I always had overlooked before. I wrote them all down and pondered each one of them deeply. I was bound and determined that I wasn’t going to make a mistake again.
I made this long list of “no go’s”. Here was my list.
Nobody posing in front of a bathroom toilet.
No one standing in a bathroom period.
No one with their shirt off.
No one showing me any body parts at all.
No one making a muscle in a mirror.
No one laying down on the couch sprawled out.
No one fishing with a beer in their hand.
No one flashing gang signs.
No one with their pants hanging down.
No one that said their education was “school of hard knocks”
No one that lives with their mother
No one that didn’t have a car
No one that didn’t have a job
No one with crazy scary tattoos
And the list went on……
After going out with the most prim and proper men that I thought we’re going to meet my requirements was sadly disappointed. They were fake. They made it look like something they were not. I had all these ideas in my head about these men’s bios and when I looked at each one of them they looked perfect but we’re not. So I decided to throw that idea out one day. One special day.
It was Father’s Day. It was not my ex husbands day to have the girls and even though he was so mean to me I couldn’t stand the thought of him not being with them on Father’s Day. I reached out to him and asked him if he would like to have them. He said that he would. After a long day he brought them home and I went out to greet the girls in the car. As they were getting out I leaned into his window and I said, ” I wish we could’ve spent this day together as a family.” He said, “get the fuck out of my face.” I turned around and walked away and me and the girls made our way inside the house as I was holding back tears. I said to myself that I wasn’t going to drop one more tear for him ever again.
I went back in the house and after the girls went to bed I got back on the app. I knew that I didn’t have the girls the next day so I said to myself that I’m going to date anybody that’s close to me in proximity, no matter what they look like or what they’re wearing or how they have their photo taken. So I started through the photos. Swipe left, swipe right. I was bound to determine that I was going on a date the next day no matter what god damn it! I placed my settings so that it was less than 2 miles for any man around me.
There he was…..within 1 mile. He was standing near a lake with no shirt on and holding a beer in one hand and a fishing pole in the other. ?With no shirt on. ?? He had tattoos all over his chest and stomach. Tribal tattoos on his chest with a cross on his stomach. He had big muscles and I certainly wasn’t used to that. That never really was something that attracted me anyway because I figured they were muscleheads and I didn’t want to deal with that.
I took a deep breath and wrote him. I asked him if he would like to go out the next day to my favorite dating place. Birch Street uptown lounge in downtown Camas. He said “yes”. What did I just get myself into. ? I was scared to death. I wrote my girlfriend as fast as I could and sent her over the picture. She responded, “No, do not go with him anywhere! He is a cholo”. I had no idea what she was talking about she was Mexican herself! She explained to me what it meant and basically said that he was a gang member of a Mexican street gang. By now I had talked to him quite a long time and he seem like a sweet loving person and I knew that I was meeting at very safe place where the owner and all the staff knew me so I decided to go ahead and bite the bullet and meet him.
The next day I dolled myself up and went down to the bar where I was supposed to meet him. I waited less than five minutes and he walked in the door……