Sex in the City…blog post #7. You’re what??

Sex in the Little City

Blog post #7

You’re what??!

Her name was Rose. ☺️

It was on her belt. You know those leather belts that have the names embossed on the back. She was tall and had tattoos. She was so sweet and nice to talk to. I’ve always liked talking to bartenders. What most people don’t know is that for most of my childhood I was raised in the local tavern in a small town that my mother owned….with the bar crowd, pool tables and pickled eggs. ??

He was already 1/2 an hour late but I was enjoying my conversation with Rose so I didn’t mind. In the text messages back and forth the day before he promised me cooking together, committed relationship and how he would teach me how to make the best coffee since he was in the coffee business. ☕️

As I finished my beer I said goodbye to Rose and and promised to let her know the outcome. I was off to meet him just a few doors down where we decided to rendezvous. We agreed that we would walk around in the Hawthorne area of Portland and just do some windowshopping and talk. That was my idea of a perfect date anyway and he seemed to be an agreement. ❤️

He looked just like his picture. ?? He was the same height as me 5-4 and I guess by his style you could call him a hipster. He wore glasses, bright shirt buttoned to the top and was carrying a backpack and had skinny pants on with black boots. I was really wondering how this was going to go and what he might have saw in me. He was super friendly and nice.

We walked around and talked about his job in the coffee industry. He was from Columbia and moved here to teach baristas how to make the perfect cup of coffee. He also taught large classes about the subject as well. It’s was fascinating to listen to him. So far so good, he seemed like someone I could see myself talking about all sorts of subjects with him.

We started getting hungry so we decided to eat some yummy tacos at a nearby restaurant. We both had a Margarita. He had a strawberry one and I had a regular. I thought it was really cute. We shared some chips with salsa and he didn’t double dip, so already that was a plus in my book. We talked about being foodies and how many different foods we liked to cook and try. We both were adventurous in that regard. ??

The longer we sat there the more we started having a deeper conversation. The first thing I asked him was If he was married before. He said that he was married NOW. ????

I said to him, “I thought you said that you read my full bio on the site.”

He said “Yes, I did.”

Me: “Did you miss the part where I said long-term relationship and monogamous?!?!?”

He said…”No. I read it all. I just thought it would be a good idea to meet and see if there was a spark. My wife is back in Columbia with our four-year-old daughter and she knows what I do and I don’t ask about what she does and that’s just the kind of rearrangement that we have.”

Me: “Ok..That’s great for you both but I distinctly mentioned in my bio that I only wanted to have a monogamous, long-term relationship with somebody that I can build a future with. How do you think that I can build a future with you when you’re married to someone else? My hope and dream is to live with a partner who can be with me only. Not that I care about what other people do in their relationships but what I DO care about is my own values and how I feel about the kind of life I want to live and my future life with my girls.”

He said, “ Well, I’m not trying to be offensive to you but I’m just trying to get to know you.”

Me: “I understand that! But the point that I’m trying to make to you is that I directly wrote exactly what I wanted in my bio and now you have done a bait and switch on me and I don’t feel comfortable with that because as far as I’m concerned you lied to me to get me here to meet you. I’m also upset because I only have one day a week from 3 PM until 10 in the morning the next day to meet with any potential date. You have stolen my time away from me so that I cannot meet with another person who may be available to me to have a real monogamous relationship with.”

As I sat there I started to get madder and madder for every woman or man who went out on a date and wasted their time sitting there talking to someone they thought there might of been a potential relationship being forged but instead come to find out the person is married or any other scenario that wasn’t fortuitous. Everything that goes into one date. Your hair, your make up, gas driving to get there and your precious time only to find out that it would never work and the other person knew it the whole time. I guess they want to take a chance to see if they can get lucky! ?? But what they don’t know is that they will NEVER get LUCKY with me!

After my lecture was over he just sat there staring at me. You could see the disappointment on his face. ?

He said, “Well you know, I just came here to make friends and have been enjoying this app to make friends.”

Me: “No! You came here to see if you can get lucky and it didn’t work. If you want to make friends get on the same app the has a “friends” section not the “dating” section!”

He exclaimed, “ Well, if you’re not enjoying this date then you’re welcome to leave anytime.”

I leaned over the table and stared right into his eyes and in a low stern voice I said, OH NO! I’M NOT LEAVING! YOU ARE! Go home and think about what you’re doing and how you’re treating women. Also think about your wife and your child and maybe what they’re going through with you being gone and being home alone.”

Yes, as a single mom you can say that I was triggered. To not have somebody there to help you and promised you that they would be there for you is very hurtful.

He got up swiftly and left the table. I sat and finished the chips and dip trying to calm down.

Whatever the arrangement in dating that you have, you both have to be in agreement. Don’t ever stretch your values or compromise. ❤️


3 thoughts on “Sex in the City…blog post #7. You’re what??

  1. I’m so sorry! For somebody who is not open to that kind of arrangement it feels like a bait and switch and a waste of time as you said. I’m interested in meeting you at some point but I’m not really over my former girlfriend and so I know that I am not yet ready to start dating and whether it’s you or somebody else it would be unfair for me to pursue somebody else until I’m actually ready and over my former relationship. Thank you for sharing your difficult dates and I learned a couple things About what your favorite date is as well as the fact that you only have from 3 PM until 10 the next day to go out on a date one day a week

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