Should I call him a cab?

I feel compelled to state that this happened several years ago and it’s one of the most fascinating first dates I’ve ever been on.We planned to meet at an Applebee’s not far from my house, just in case I needed a quick escape or had to call my best friend who happened to live 2 doors down from me.  I always arrive early to dates so I can get a lay of the land and, like Lisa, get to know the server and/or bartender in case things go south.  I ordered a glass of red wine and sat at a small table where I could see the door, bartender and servers.  The wine helped me relax a little while waiting for my date to arrive.  He finally showed up 10 minutes late looking at least 15 years older and 50 pounds larger than the version of what I saw on his dating profile.  Did he use pictures of his son on his profile?  I like to think I’m open minded and prefer to reserve judgment so I gavehim the benefit of the doubt.I waved him over to my table and he rushed over like a twister had deposited him on the seat across from me.  “I’m so sorry I’m late!” he slurred and panted. Before I could say “oh it’s okay” he rambled on, “I just closed a HUGE deal and went out for drinks with some friends to celebrate and time got out of hand.”  He’s starting to sway a little, maybe he still hasn’t caught his breath from the brief sprint from the door to the table. I looked down at my watch and it was only 5:15 pm. What do I do with this?!?!  Do I commit to my glass of wine and listen to see if something redeeming would spill out of his mouth or pay the tab and run?  I wouldn’t be writing this if I had left at that point, I’m sure this is where some of you would think “Oh, that Lani is just too nice/niave.”  I evaluated my wine glass noting how much wine remained knowing how much alcohol I can handle and stay sober.  The wine I already consumed plus a tall glass of water should equal 15-20 minutes to be extra cautious.  I’m sure I was sober having had only a quarter of the amount poured but I erred on the safe side.  Can I handle 15-20 more minutes?  Sure, I’ve dealt with worse.While I was doing my alcohol calculation he continued to ramble on about the deal and how long he had worked on it and how it awesome he was closing millions of dollars as well another things I had no interest in.  Then he abruptly stopped like a dog that spotted a squirrel and looked down at my hands grasping the water glass.  Earlier that day I got down and dirty with some yard work sans protective gloves so I had several scratches and a cut that had a band aide.“Whoa! Are you one of those cutters?” he said loud enough to have half the bar turn and look. Are you kidding me!  He knew I was attending grad school for Clinical Mental Health.“Umm, no.  I was doing…”Before I finished my sentence, he laughed and said, “Oh you know I was just kidding!” and gave me a healthy back slap.My jaw dropped and I had no idea how to respond to that. Between the comment about cutting and slapping me like a football player that just scored a touchdown, he completely baffled me.“So you’re learning how to shrink people’s heads and learning those personality test thingies.  I have my own personality test.  I be I can impress you by telling you about your personality!” I still hadn’t said much since he sat down and my online profile didn’t provide a whole lot of information on me either.  This should be interesting.“Okay?” I said doubtful.  He didn’t make it easy to converse with not to mention I counted the minutes I could leave and was actively trying to concoct a reason to.“What’s your favorite color?” he asked.“Red but it changes depending on…” he interrupted again.“Well that’s my test!  I can tell your personality by the color you like most!  Red means you’re fiery and passionate.  You love love and are a romantic woman who is a beast in bed.” At least the slurring stopped.  “I nailed it didn’t I and I don’t have a fancy degree!”“Not quite” I said still baffled at everything that has happened on this date so far. “I think personality tests are a little more sophisticated than someone’s favorite color.”“Oh, you’re just saying that because you don’t want to admit you’re an animal in the sheets.  I’m sure you spent a lot of money for your degrees.” He laughed.  “I know people and I know you.”  If he knew me or human body language, he would’ve seen the look of shock mixed with a healthy dose of anger and frustration.I have no clue how he thought he knew just from a color.  It felt like watching a peacock prance around in front of a train wreck the way he kept bragging about himself.  He rambled on again about something he did that was awesome in his own headI’m sure my memory intentionally blocked after he insulted my education. 20 minutes! I’m out!I looked at my phone and pretended I got an emergency text. “I’m sorry.  My son just texted me and I need to go pick him up right now.”I quickly grabbed my purse and left money on the table for my wine.  He stood to give me a hug and the smell of sweat coated with cologne mixed with alcohol invaded my nostrils.  I couldn’t leave fast enough.  “Let me see you out” he said.  Crap!He walked me to my car and said he’d like to see me again.  I just nodded as I clamored into my car. “I really need to go.” I barely left the parking lot when he sent me a text which I read when I got home.“When can I see you again?”“I don’t think we’re a fit.  I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors.”Then I thought, “is he still at the bar? Should I have called him a cab? ??‍♀️

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