Wanted~Friends with Benefits
Otherwise known as FWB. I had no clue what it meant. I’ve never heard of that term in my life. After being married almost 26 years I wouldn’t really need to know would I? Or maybe some would. ???♀️
For most of my marriage I was lonely and felt ignored. I begged for touch, affection, quality time and just plain love of any kind. It was painful emotionally and mentally. After a while my confidence about myself was at an all time low.
After the divorce my friend put me on a dating site and said that I needed to get out and about. That was when I first saw the word. It said, “looking for FWB”. He was pretty hot looking and seemed to match the description of somebody I might be looking for or interested in. So right away I text my girlfriend and asked her what FWB meant. ??♀️ “Oh!” I exclaimed!
I was looking for love and a companion. Not just sex. I wanted to be in a committed relationship with someone. I couldn’t even fathom at that point of another guy even seeing me naked. First of all, because I’ve been married so long and second because of the shame that I felt about my body. At that point I wasn’t even sure if things worked right! ?
Don’t get me wrong after dating for a while I fooled around a couple times. To me it felt empty, sad, went against my heart, brain and every value I had. ? I couldn’t do it. I told my friend I was lonely. So she suggested to try a FWB perhaps so that I wasn’t so shy and that it might work better because I already had a connection with that person. But I didn’t need sex that bad did I? I had pretty much done without it for many years.
One lonely night in my depression of my failed marriage and my situation I decided that I would call a friend and ask him to come hold me. I had a few glasses of wine to get up my nerve. ? I picked up the phone and he answered. It seemed like I rambled forever but I’m guessing I didn’t or maybe I did. ? i paused and waited to hear the answer, not really wanting to know in fear of it might be rejection. And you know what? It was. ?
He said to me, “Lisa, I can’t in good conscience.” He said “I’m here for you as a friend but there’s no way I could do anything like that with you because I know your heart and you would regret it right after. I know you’re sad, depressed and emotional right now. Knowing that you’re in a state like that I feel like I would be taking advantage of you. Trust me, I would love to come over but I just can’t….you would have no respect for me later.”
We talked for a long time and I cried and told him everything I was thinking and all my feelings. He listened. I got off the phone and felt much better. And that’s when I realized what I really needed. Love, kindness, a listening ear and someone to hold space for me. Not sex.
A couple months later I met #picnicman. He filled most of the voids that I had been missing. Everything I needed for that time in my life. Love, kindness, patience and companionship. And yes, SEX. ? (and that took a long time for us….months).
I had a self-realization at the end of the pain, dates and that special relationship. My brain, heart and body cannot be in alignment with that practice, FWB. I have to be emotionally and mentally connected to be intimate with anyone. No compromises. ??
I’m appreciative of my friend that held true to himself and as an extension to me. And after all my dating blog posts people ask me about what really happened afterward with each one and I say, “nothing.” Nothing happens. ☺️??